


3 Times Elsa Asks for Help, 1 Time She Doesn't, and 1 Time She Doesn't Need to

by GiveMeABreak80



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Frozen 2 (2019) Spoilers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Frozen 2 (2019), References to Depression, Self-Harm, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22248967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiveMeABreak80/pseuds/GiveMeABreak80
Summary: The title explains it all. Set after Frozen 2.Major trigger warning for self-harm. But at least it has a happy ending.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	1. The One Time She Doesn't

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't trigger yourself. This is the self-harm trigger warning for the entire work so please, if you're sensitive to that stuff, don't read it.  
> Also this is my first work and I'm too lazy to read this over so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Comment corrections if they really bother you.  
> Constructive criticism is welcome! (Because I know there's plenty of room for improvement)

[Elsa POV]

A familiar chill settles in Elsa’s bones as the letter floats to the floor, free of her icy grip. She walks over the window, breathing calmly, however feeling anything but. The moon shines over the town of Arendelle, the stars twinkle, and fires crackle in houses. Anna is a good queen to her people, better than Elsa would ever be. Anna _. Anna._

The memory of young Anna’s limp body hitting a pile of snow flashes across her mind. Then Anna’s frozen body, completely solid because of what Elsa did to her. What a monster did to her.

Seconds later, Elsa finds herself in her bathroom, door locked and staring in the mirror.

 _Creature. Unnatural. Monster. Dangerous._ Her eyes darken with each insult, each secret truth about her comes to mind.

Suddenly, a latticework of frost spreads through her bathroom counter, crackling. Elsa jumps, not having lost control in such a way in a long time. She stumbles back, hits the wall, and slides down onto the ground. The one stable part of her mind yells at her to stop, to get help, to tell Anna. The former Queen promised Anna she would go to her if any old feelings or habits threatened to come back. Alas, habits are called habits for a reason, and Elsa hurt Anna so many times, so this is what the ice queen deserved. A stray tear hits the floor with a plonk. _You don’t deserve to cry you monster_. She berates herself for crying, for showing, for feeling. _Stop it._

A blade made of razor-sharp ice appears in her hand, looking just like it used to. And shaking, Elsa pushes up her sleeves roughly and makes the first slice. Time collapses around her as she gets lost in the sweet pain she so deserves. Her punishment for living.

—

[Anna POV]

Anna sprints from her meeting room having received the news of Elsa’s strange disappearance. She fears the worst but _no, Elsa would tell me if she felt like that again, right?_ Anna’s shoes fly off as she hurries up the stairs and knocks on her dear sister’s door.

“Elsa? I know you’re in there. Are you ok?” Her heavy breathing breaks up her words. “Please Elsa, let me in.” When she doesn’t receive a reply, she threatens, “I’m coming in right now if you don’t open up.” Receiving no reply yet again, she tries the doorknob, which is thankfully unlocked and slams the door open. “Elsa!”

Anna’s ears prick with sounds of sobbing coming from the bathroom. “Elsa? What are you doing in there? Are you ok?”

The sobbing stops. “Fine,” a shaky voice replies.

“You don’t sound fine. Please, let me in and tell me what’s going on.”

A moment later of shuffling and Anna holding her breath, the door swings open to reveal a red-eyed princess. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Anna asks, voice gentle.

Elsa looks at her and sniffs once. “I’m fine, nothing is going on.” She chokes out a whisper. 

“No, I’m not going to leave you like this. I’m your sister!” The queen exclaims and moves closer to Elsa, going in for a hug.

Her powerful sister flinches back and hugs her arms close to her body. “Don’t touch me.”

Anna’s eyebrows furrow in concern, “Elsa”

“Please go back to what you were doing before.” She sneaks past Anna and strides to her window.

“No! Don’t shut me out again Elsa!” Anna grabs Elsa’s arm, attempting to stop her sister from locking her out again.

As she does, time moves in slow motion. Anna grabs her forearm, causing Elsa to hiss in pain and red lines to appear on her icy white dress. Seconds later, her sister repairs her dress with her powers, but not before Anna sees the damage. Elsa rips her arm away and curls it close to her stomach again, staring at Anna.

The queen’s eyes go wide in realization. “Hey, hey,” she soothes as she holds her sister's shoulders and guides them both to Elsa’s bed. Elsa’s eyes are downcast and tears fall freely down her face. She no longer resists when Anna takes her hands.

“How,,, why?” The fire-headed girl searches her sister's face for an answer. Elsa’s only reply is to nod towards the fallen letter.

Anna grabs it and her eyes dart across the paper, absorbing the very thing that caused her sister to fall back in the dark hole she had fought so hard to crawl out of. 

“Oh,” the queen finishes reading the message, crestfallen.

“I’m a monster,” Elsa’s trembling voice comes from the bed. The queen looks over and sees her sister staring at her hands, seething.

“No, no, no,” Anna rushes back to her sister and envelops her in a warm hug. “You aren’t.”

Elsa initially tenses in the hug, old fears resurfaced, but slowly she relaxes into the embrace and curls up even smaller, sobbing.

Anna runs her fingers through her sister's hair, murmuring kind words. “You’re amazing. I’m so proud of you, and I know Mother and Father are too. I love you so much. You’re one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I’m honoured to know you.” She kisses her sister on the forehead and pulls back. “Hey, look at me,” she prompts softly as she puts her hand under Elsa’s chin and tilts her sister’s tear-stained face up. “You’re the fifth spirit, Elsa. You are incredible and so so so amazing. Never forget that.”

Elsa nods tearfully and a small smile appears on her face. “Thanks.”

“Is it ok if I,” Anna gestures towards Elsa’s arms, ”they may need medical attention.”

Her sister nods and dissolves her sleeves, revealing her wounds.

There are about a dozen angry red lines covering both arms, some still leaking blood. Unsurprisingly, all of the cuts are cleanly spaced out and straight. Very organized, just like Elsa.

“Oh, Elsa,” the queen looks into her sister’s eyes, her own filled with sorrow and sympathy. “Let me clean this up for you.” Anna slips off the bed and grabs a first aid kit from Elsa’s bathroom, but before she leaves, her eyes flash across an ice knife on the tile floor. A tear falls from her eye and she picks it up. Anna pads back over to the bed and puts both items on the bed. “Ice knife huh?”

Elsa shrugs sadly and tells her, “that’s what I’ve always used.”

Anna looks at her in sorrow, but not in surprise, “ah, I guess I can’t take it away from you then, you can always make another one.”

“Yeah,, I think that’s part of the point.” Elsa gestures at her creation and it flurries away.

“Please Elsa, tell me before you do it again. I care so much and I just-“ her voice cracks and she looks up at her older sister.

Tears form in Elsa’s eyes as she nods solemnly, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened. It just all came back at me. I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything.”

Anna nods in understanding and opens the medical kit on the bed. She holds out the sanitizing spray, “sorry, this will hurt a bit.”

Her sister holds out her arms and holds her breath. She bites her lip hard but doesn’t make any noise or other gestures of discomfort. Anna, slightly surprised at her stoicism continues on with bandaging and cleaning up her sister’s arms. They are very clean cuts due to the blade but vary in depth. Anna makes quick work of covering them up, making sure to prevent infection and cease the blood loss. 

She packs the kit away and scoots it under the bed. “Ok?”

“Yeah, I think so” her sister replies shakily. Elsa’s sleeves reappear to cover the bandages.

Anna crawls to the headboard and sits, “come here,” she gestures. 

The small smile shows up again on her sister’s face as she too makes her way and cuddles up against Anna.

The queen envelops the blonde in her arms and starts to sing their mother’s lullaby. Within minutes, Elsa is snoring silently in Anna’s arms. Anna finishes the song and gazes down at Elsa sleeping peacefully. She sneaks away silently out the door and down to find Kristoff. 

“Hey,” Anna sits down beside him on their couch. “Do you mind if I sleep with Elsa tonight? She’s had a rough night. Someone sent her this letter and it brought back childhood fears.” Anna hands the letter to her husband. He quickly reads it and looks up, alarmed, “who sent this? This is horribly untrue.”

“I know dear, we’ll find the sender in the morning and they’ll get what’s coming to them.”

“I’ll look into it tonight, you go make sure Elsa’s alright. I will see you in the morning sweetheart.” 

Anna smiles at him and pecks him on the check. “Love you!”

“I love you too.”

—

[Elsa POV]

Elsa’s eyes blearily open to the morning light streaming in through her window. She grunts and untangles herself from her sister's arms to sit up. Anna’s sleeping form is snoring beside her, hair strewn everywhere. The former queen smiles down at her sister before a painful reminder twinges on her forearm. _Oh, right_. She quietly slides out from under the blanket and makes her way over to her window. The dull pain in her arms is a harsh reminder of the actions she committed last night. _At least it seems the city had a good night_ , she thinks to herself. People are already up and going about their lives. Shopping, selling, or playing while the former queen is still a little shaken up and regretful of her actions.

— 

[Anna POV]

The rustling of Elsa leaving the bed awoke Anna, who watches her sister look forlornly out the window. The queen pushes her half-asleep body up and walks to Elsa’s side. “How are you feeling?”

Her sister shrugs. “I don’t know. Ok, I think. I regret it.” Elsa’s face falls and she glances over at Anna. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no, it’s ok. Just tell me next time, alright? Stuff like this happens.” Anna says encouragingly.

Her sister smiles weakly and looks back to the town below them. Anna wraps her in a hug and suggests, “maybe I should change your bandages?”

“Ok,” Elsa walks over to the bed, dissolving her sleeves as she goes. Anna follows, grabbing the first aid kit from under the bed. 

“It’s probably best to just let them breathe,” the queen says, peering down at the scars. The wounds are looking a lot better, she thinks; they’re closed up and are starting to heal.

Elsa nods in agreement and her sleeves are whole once again.

“Maybe,” Anna hesitates, “maybe it’s best if you stay here with us for a few nights. Until you’re feeling better.”

Her sister scrunches up her nose. “I know you like it out there, but it can’t hurt to stay for a few nights more?” Anna hurries. “We can play more games.” 

The ice queen’s concern melts into a smile, “sure, I just need to send a message so they don’t worry.”

“I’m sure Gale will be happy to help with that.” Anna grins at her sister.

“We’d better beat the boys at charades tonight.” Elsa challenges with a smile, “breakfast?”

The queen stands and nods, “please.”

Together they make their way down to have breakfast in the dining hall with Kristoff and Olaf. (The latter doesn’t need to eat but likes to try anyways.)

— 

For the next few days, Anna keeps a watchful eye on Elsa, but she has nothing to worry about. Elsa has made amends with her feelings and vows not to let a single hateful person’s opinion ruin her. The sisters do end up winning charades to the boy’s dismay, but it was a close call. Elsa returns the forest some days later and the two sisters live in happiness once again. Of course, there are slip-ups here and there, but Elsa is sure to stick to her promise, and even helps her dear sister on some occasions. 

But Elsa never ends up going through her mail alone again.


	2. 1 of the Times She Does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ditto

[Elsa POV]

The sun midday sun glares down and icy air bites into her skin, taunting her as she rides on the back of the Nokk, sprinting to Arendelle’s castle. _You fool, you idiot, you absolute monster._ It is about noon during one of Elsa’s worst days. She woke up in a bad mood and tried to weave a basket, something she had done before, but her impatience turned frustration due to her bad mood caused her to irreparably ruin the basket. After that, she had stormed back to her tent and paced, fuming. Elsa must not have paid attention to herself or her powers because it was only when Honeymaren nervously entered her tent to tell her what she had done to their camp, she realized. In her tense pacing and clenching and unclenching of her fists, she had covered their area in a layer of ice, snuffing out fires and wrecking crafts. Knowing her powers had gone out of her control had caused her ice blade to appear in her fist like it had when she was young. It had taken her too much effort to take away the ice she created, and then she fled in shame on the back of the Nokk, to where she is now. She had lost control, ruined everything, and made people fear her. 

Elsa snaps out of her reminiscing as she arrives at her old home, ice knife still in her hand. She dismounts the water spirit in the middle of the courtyard, mutters a thanks and starts to run up into the castle towards Anna’s office, desperately hoping Arendelle’s queen will be in there. The magical woman silently thanks the guards for recognizing her and letting her run into the castle with no hassle. She thumps down the corridor, no time to be silent, and pretty much slams into Anna’s door. Her fingers scrabble for the door handle which she manages to cling on to and open, locking eyes with her sister as soon as she enters.

[Anna POV]

Anna’s eyes are wide in fear and only soften a little when she sees it’s Elsa who slammed open her door. Her sister is panting, shaking, and has something closed in her fist. 

“Hey, what’s going on, are you ok?”

Elsa just drops the weapon in her hand. Anna sees the glint of Elsa’s signature ice knife as it hit the floor. She jumps up, suddenly very awake despite the fact political treaties and plans had just been boring her to sleep. 

“Hey, hey, come here,” Anna gets out of her chair, walks over to her trembling sister, and envelopes her in a hug. She feels Elsa flinch and tense she doesn’t let go. “Let’s sit down.” The Queen gently pushes her sister to the ground with her and has her sit down. “Breathe,” she whispers, “it’s going to be ok.” She hears Elsa try to slow her breathing to match hers. 

After a minute, Elsa speaks. “I’m sorry for disturbing you,” she takes a breath. “I’ve had a terrible day and I lost control of my powers and feel so dangerous and bad and I want to hurt myself but I don’t want to too so I came here for help maybe.” Elsa rambles uncharacteristically, tears coming to her eyes.

Anna looks at her sister with a small smile, extremely proud of her for reaching out for help. At the same time, however, she’s concerned and has no idea how to help her. 

“Ok - that’s - thank you for coming to me,” Anna looks around and her gaze catches on the ice knife. “Do you think you can get rid of this or should I hold on to it for now?”

Elsa looks at her hands, “I can’t,” she sniffs, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no, there’s nothing to be sorry about, let me just-“ The queen picks the knife up and puts it in the vase on her desk in hopes the flower stems will hide it and and water will break it apart. She sits back down and sees Elsa staring at her hands balled up into fists, breathing heavily again.

“I still want to-“ her sister cuts herself off and looks up, hoping Anna catches her drift.

“Ok, thanks for telling me,” she tries for a grateful smile. “Here,” she says holding Elsa’s shoulders and thinking on her feet, “can you make an ice,, uh,” she looks around, “wine glass? Y’know like one of the ones we have.”

Her sister’s eyes flash up to meet hers, nervousness written all over her face, “I-.”

“It’s ok, can you try?” Anna prompts gently.

Elsa swallows and nods. She cups her hands together, breathes, and then the base of the glass starts to form. Elsa’s breathing quickens and the base elongates into a handle, which a blade sprouts from. The icy haired woman looks up at Anna in panic and embarrassment.

“What- I don’t-didn’t,” she splutters out, her hands eerily still, trying to not touch her cursed creation.

“No, hey, it’s ok, let’s start easier.” Anna takes the knife out of her sister's hands and puts it on the floor beside her. She looks back at Elsa, but Elsa’s eyes are locked on the knife. Anna knows her sister is still not in the mindset to dissolve her blade, so she drops it in the vase with the other one.

The magical woman’s eyes snap back to Anna’s after the blade hits the bottom of the glass.

Anna claps Elsa’s hands in her own, not missing her flinch. “It’s ok,” she reassures, giving weight to her words in hopes her sister will understand. Elsa nods but her gaze drops.

“Can you make an ice cube? Like a perfect cube.” Anna releases her sister's hands, trying to start very simple.

Elsa furrows her eyebrows and bit by bit, a cube is made. Twice it threatens to become razor-sharp and spiky, but in the end, it’s perfect.

Anna smiles, “hey look, you did it. This is perfect.” 

Elsa shrugs, shakes her head, and spits out, “it should be easy to make, I don’t know why it was so difficult.”

“Your concentration is probably all over the place, which is understandable, you still did it!” Anna is optimistic, trying to brighten her sister’s mood. She did not miss the room’s temperature drop when Elsa entered, and it still hasn’t risen.

“Can you do a ball?”

“I think so.”

It took a little less time than the cube, there was only one slip up, and in the end, a beautiful sphere rests in Elsa’s hand. 

“Nice!” Anna encourages. She tries to think of something without sharp edges. “How about a rectangle, like a notepad?”

Elsa nods and half a minute later, there is a notepad-sized ice block in her hands.

This goes on for almost half an hour; Anna coming up with random shapes and simple items and Elsa creating them, doing it faster and better each time. By the time Anna was beginning to run out of ideas, Elsa‘s stomach was growling and her forehead was sweating from the sheer concentration requirement.

“Ok, ok, I think it’s time for a snack now, maybe some hot chocolate?” The queen helps her sister stand up and encloses her in what she hopes is a comforting embrace, and to Anna’s grateful surprise, Elsa doesn’t flinch or tense. They pull back, share a soft smile, and then walk down the stairs hand-in-hand. Throughout the rest of the day, Anna abandons her work to stay with her sister, making sure she’s ok, whether it’s playing with Olaf or walking through the gardens.


	3. Another Time She Does

_ “You monster”, they yell, “it’s all your fault.” The people of Arendelle surrounded Elsa in her own courtyard, brandishing weapons and throwing threats around. The wind picks up, blowing snow around the people trapping her. “We’re going to kill you for what you’ve done, you witch,” a townsperson with a nightmarish face growls at her. The queen backs up into another person and they grab onto her. “You’re the reason why the real King and Queen died. You’re the reason why your sister froze to death,” comes a low voice in her ear, dripping with malice. A glint of steel flashes and is swinging at her face, and there’s nothing she can do about it. _

_ —  _

A roar of thunder startles Elsa awake from her nightmare. Tears are streaming down her face, her heart is pounding and her breaths come in short gasps. The icy-haired princess sits up, gasping, and sees her magic sparking from her hands. Her entire body itches to create that ice blade and carve lines into her skin. That pain she so deserves and can barely live without. It’s her comfort blanket for when she needs to turn emotional pain into physical pain.  _ No _ , she berates herself,  _ don’t give in. _ Her last sane thought yells at her to go to Anna. Get to her sister as fast as possible.

Elsa sprints out from her tent, rain pounding her nightwear-clad body, soaking her instantly. She runs to the river and calls the Nokk, trying her best to infuse necessity into her request. And like always, the water horse raises out of the water for Elsa to freeze and mount. The water spirit seems to understand the princess’ situation, so it gallops as fast as possible to the castle of Arendelle. While her horse moves, Elsa’s hands curl into fists and she’s using every ounce of her self control to breathe as calmly as possible and stay present. She focuses on the rain boring into her skin, the wind whipping her face, and the graceful rhythm of her steed. The occasional clap of thunder jolts the fifth spirit but she learns to anticipate the noise.

Barely soon enough, the Nokk sprints into the main courtyard of the Arendelle castle and delivers the former queen right to the door. The guards nod at Elsa as she passes and waves them off from trying to help her, pretending to be completely calm. But once she’s in the corridor, tears roll down her face and she’s gasping for breath. Elsa’s not-so-quiet arrival must’ve woken Anna up because as soon as she bursts into her sister’s chambers, Anna is already awake and on her feet, ready for anything.

[Anna POV]

As soon as Anna sees Elsa burst into my room she knows what’s going on. The queen catches her sister as she sinks to the ground and half-carries her onto the king-sized bed. 

“Hey, hey, shh, it’s ok, I’m here, I’ve got you,” Anna says soothingly as she rubs Elsa’s arm. “You’re ok, you’re safe, it’s all ok.” The fiery-haired queen keeps murmuring what she hopes to be calming things to Elsa as she hugs the sobbing princess.

After about five minutes, the tears stop and Anna gently asks, “are you ok, what happened?” 

It takes a moment for Elsa to reply, but she manages to say, “I had a nightmare about people hunting me for being a witch and,” she sniffs, “for killing you.” The recent memory brings a fresh round of tears to stream down her sister’s face as Anna feels Elsa tighten her grip on her. The queen just runs her fingers through her sister’s hair and lets Elsa let her emotions out. 

When the princess’s sobs come less often, Anna says, “it’s ok, you saved me and that’s never gonna happen again. The people of Arendelle will never do that to their princess.” Anna pulls back and smiles at her sister. “Thank you for coming to me.”

Elsa nods and takes a deep breath, “I wanted to,” she pauses, “I think I still want to hurt myself.” She looks up at Anna.

“Ok,” she remembers what helped Elsa last time, “can you make me a sphere of ice?” _ Making a ball first is probably the best _ , Anna thinks,  _ no sharp edges.  _

Elsa nods, closes her eyes, and flexes her hands. A ball starts to take shape on her hand, only threatening to become spikes once.

Once it’s there, Anna smiles. “Looks good!” She takes it out of her sister’s hand and puts it on a conveniently present plate on her bedside table. When she turns around, Elsa is already making what seems to be a pyramid. It takes a little longer but turns out nicely.

“Nice!” Anna exclaims, ever the optimist. Just like last time, it goes on and on for a while, this time almost three-quarters of an hour, and by the time Anna’s eyes can’t stay open and Elsa can’t stop yawning, there is a collection of increasingly intricate ice items on the floor. 

“Ok, I think it’s time we,” Anna yawns, “get some sleep now.”

Her sister nods in agreement, eyes already closed, and collapses down on the duvet.

The queen giggles. “No, come on, come up here.” She half drags the fifth spirit up beside her and under the covers. Anna wraps her arm around Elsa in a comforting embrace, and within minutes, they both drift off into a peaceful sleep.

—

[Elsa POV]

Elsa groans and rolls over, arms reaching for her sister. When they find nothing, her eyes snap open. “Anna?”

She sits up, eyes frantically searching the room around her. Judging by the sun outside, it was about noon. The princess jumps out of bed and creates herself an icy dress suitable to be seen in without a second thought. Elsa half-walks-half-jogs out the door and into the corridor. “Anna?!” She’s becoming increasingly more panicked. She runs down to Anna’s office and bursts through the door. Upon seeing her younger sister, she breathes a sigh of relief, “there you are. I woke up and- I - I couldn’t find you. I don’t know but I just panicked and-“ She’s cut off by Anna enclosing her in a hug.

“I’m so sorry, are you ok? It seemed like you needed the sleep, and I sent a message through Gale so the North Huldra won’t be worried.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Elsa takes a deep breath. “I guess I did need the sleep,” she tries for a laugh, “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for a few days because of nightmares. I guess last night’s one pushed me over the edge.”

“Oh, Elsa,” Anna hugs her tighter, “please, you’re always welcome here at any time,” her sister pulls back and looks at Elsa. “You deserve sleep.”

The icy haired woman smiles and nods, “yeah. Thank you.”

“Anytime, sister,” Anna grins back at her.

—

Later that day, Elsa rides back to the Enchanted Forest feeling a lot better.


	4. The Last Time She Does

[Anna POV]

Snow whirls outside as yet another blizzard starts to pick up. The queen of Arendelle is safe and warm inside the castle, but she doesn’t feel that way. 

Dinner tonight is proving to be difficult. Kristoff is out with Sven and Olaf, collecting ice, which is worrying as the night seems to hold a pretty rough storm. Anna hopes for their safety, but a closer matter seems to have arisen.

Elsa, sitting across the table again is straight-backed and wears her “queen” face. She is tense, jumpy, and talks as little as possible, and when she does talk, she either spits spiteful words or mumbles. And the room is very, very cold. It takes all of Anna’s energy to not shiver. 

Needless to say, Elsa’s not in a good mood, and Anna is determined to find out why and make sure she’s going to be ok.

Anna clutches her bowl of soup, desperate to soak up some of its heat, as the fire at the end of the room can’t compete with the sour mood. She eats the tomato soup quietly, glancing at her sister every three seconds to make sure she’s not getting worse. About halfway through the meal, Elsa, having taken one sip of her soup bowl and left it, stands up suddenly and mumbles she is going to her room.

Anna quirks her eyebrow and asks, “why? Are you hungry?” In a voice that makes it sound like everything’s perfectly fine.

“I’m tired, see you tomorrow,” Elsa answers with her “queen” voice, and starts to walk away, hugging herself, which is the only sign she shows that screams “not ok.”

“Hey! Don’t use your ‘queen’ voice on me, we’re sisters.” Anna stands up to follow her.

“See you tomorrow, Anna.” Elsa’s voice comes ragged this time, and the princess starts to walk faster.

“Nuh-uh, you’re not gonna leave me like that.” The fiery headed woman continues to tail her sister up the stairs and down their corridor. Elsa makes a move to slam her door shut but Anna puts her foot in the way and stops it with her body.

“Please Elsa, let me in. Let me help you.” Anna cries in desperation.

Her sister continues walking over to the window and slumps against the windowsill.

“Ok.” 

Anna rushes over and encases Elsa in a hug as sobs start to wrack her body.

“Hey, sh, it’s ok, let's go over here.” The Queen soothes as she leads her trembling sister over to her bed. “Thank you.” Anna knew how hard it was for the magical woman to let people help her with her emotions and struggles, as from a young age she’d been told to “conceal, don’t feel.”

Elsa burrows her head into Anna’s shoulder and continues crying. The fiery headed woman just holds her and lets her sister get her feelings out.

When the sobs start to slow to a stop and tears don’t fall, Anna pulls back to look at Elsa. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Elsa nods and tentatively starts to speak. “It’s the weather. It- it reminds me of when I,” she sniffs, “froze your heart.” Elsa starts sobbing again, evidently remembering how she felt when Hans told her what she had done.

“But hey, you fixed it,” Anna suggests. “You saved me.” She holds her older sister until the tears cease, and still holds her, trying to convey that it’s ok.

After a long time, the room starts to heat to its regular temperature and Anna asks, “is it ok if I go to my room to get something to sleep in? I’ll be right back.” She starts to pull away to look at her sister.

Elsa’s eyes get wide and she starts shaking her head, “please don’t. I- you can wear something of mine I just don’t wanna be alone.” She looks at her hands, “I want,” she closes her hands into fists and looks up at Anna, trying to psychically tell her, “I want to hurt myself and you being here is the only reason why I’m not.” Elsa trails off shamefully and hugs herself.

Anna nods vigorously, “yes, no that’s ok. I’m right here.”

The princess mumbles, “I brushed you off earlier because I thought I could handle myself but, I don’t think I can.”

She rubs her sister’s shoulder and remembers how she helped Elsa the last time.

“Oh! Hey Elsa, can you make a ball out of ice for me?”

Elsa nods and takes a shaky breath. Quickly, a perfect sphere is made without any mishaps. Anna predicts it’s due to the fact that Elsa has already significantly calmed down.

“Now can you make me an ice sculpture of Sven? It’d be fun to surprise Kristoff when he gets back.”

A small smile appears on Elsa’s face for a moment, she understands what Anna is doing but plays along anyway. 

Anna watches her magical sister hold her hand out, concentrate with her eyes squeezing shut, and about 30 seconds later, a miniature ice Sven is standing in Elsa’s palm. To be fair, the edges look a little sharp, but the fact she was able to make something fairly detailed so fast is a very good sign.

“That’s amazing!” Anna truly is impressed with her sister’s abilities and strength. “Ok,” Anna thinks for a moment, “how about one of Olaf?”

Elsa does the same thing as before: concentrates for a second, and suddenly a little ice Olaf builds itself on her palm.

The queen giggles, “oh he’s gonna love that.”

The small smile reappears on her sister’s face as she crafts a miniature of her sister on her coronation day. 

“Oh Elsa that’s beautiful,” Anna gushes, entranced. “How detailed can you go?”

Her sister squints and a tree appears. Each leaf is detailed, the bark has grooves, there’s a bird nest with birds, and the birds have individual feathers.

Anna gapes, at a loss for words. She scoops it out of Elsa’s hand and brings the sculpture up to her face. “The birds! Elsa! That’s- I don’t know what to say.” The fiery headed girl looks over at her sister. “A true work of art.”

Elsa looks bashful and her smile grows a little.

“But can you make a snow globe?”

Her magical sister raises her eyebrows, “I don’t know. Let’s see.”

Anna smiles at Elsa’s readiness to use her powers because a mere minutes ago she would have probably been too scared.

Anna watches Elsa bite her lip and close her eyes. Her sister breathes in, and as she exhales, a snow globe starts to form. When Elsa finishes breathing out, she opens her eyes and there stands a snow globe in her hand. The globe of ice is crystal clear and inside stands a little Anna and Elsa skating. The stand is a denser, more sturdy ice, intricately carved with a vine-like pattern. Anna’s haw drops.

“Oh, just a sec,” Elsa puts her hand over the top, and snow starts to fall inside. “There. I did it.” Anna sees the magical woman grinning.

“May I?” Anna holds out her hand. Her sister hands it to her and she mutters, “holy -“ only cutting herself off from cursing when her sister raises her eyebrow at her.

“I am officially amazed,” Anna declares, still looking at the little snow globe. 

She looks up at the sound of her sister giggling and smiles even wider. “You’re amazing.”

Anna puts the ice sculptures down and hugs Elsa and Elsa hugs back. 

“I hope you know I’m going to keep that forever,” the queen says, referencing the snow globe. Anna looks outside to find it’s surprisingly late and at that moment feels Elsa yawn.

“Shall we go to bed?” Anna suggests, pulling back out of the embrace. 

“Sure,” Elsa sleepily agrees with her, yawning again halfway through. 

Anna picks the sleeping gown that looks most like her out of Elsa’s closet and tosses another to her sister. “We really shouldn’t sleep in these dresses.”

The icy haired woman chuckles, “yeah.”

Anna changes in the bathroom and Elsa in her room and they crawl into Elsa’s bed again. Anna wraps her arms around her older sister again in an attempt to comfort her should any negative feelings come up again. The two sisters drift off to sleep, smiling.


	5. 1 Time She Doesn't Need to

_ It’s summer; the sun is shining, the wind is gentle, and the grass is soft. Paradise. Well, paradise aside from the one screaming princess with never-ending energy. Elsa smiles up at her parents before being jarred by her younger sister. _

_ “Tag! You’re it!” Anna squeals and runs away into the flowers of the castle garden. _

_ “Not so fast!” Elsa yells and takes off after her sister, weaving through shapely bushes and blooming flowers. “I’m gonna get you!” She hollers at her sister over the greenery, grinning. _

_ “Be careful you two,” her mother’s voice warns, “we can’t have you too injured for the party tomorrow.” It’s Anna’s birthday tomorrow and the sisters couldn’t be more excited. Every birthday they get their special chocolate cake, among the presents of course, but the cake is the best. _

—

Elsa snaps out of her dream and opens her eyes. For a second, she’s warm and happy at the knowledge of her loving family, and then her dark room reminds her of the harsh reality. Her parents are dead and her sister had lived in isolation for 13 years. And on top of that, it was all her fault. 

Elsa bolts upright  _ no, no _ . She can feel the familiar feelings begin to grab at her. Feelings that came from a past of depression and self-hatred. She needed to feel pain. Both to punish herself and because it had become a comfort blanket and a knee-jerk reaction.  _ Ok, I can take control of this _ , she tells herself,  _ just breathe _ . Judging by the moon, it's definitely past midnight but not close to dawn either, so she definitely does not want to disturb Anna at this unholy hour, even though she knows her sister will help her in a heartbeat.  _ I can do this _ , she repeats to herself,  _ don’t give in. _ Elsa has been clean for months now, and she has to keep that track record; for herself and for her sister.

The magical woman shakes her head as her hands start to twitch, the urge to create her ice blade almost unstoppable. She jumps out of bed, determined to distract herself.  _ Maybe walking around and getting some fresh air will be good _ , Elsa reasons, heading for the door. She sneaks through the hallways and out to the garden, the crisp air sharp in her lungs. As it is autumn, the flowers aren’t exactly blooming, but the shrubs and trees look nice, especially in the moonlight. She walks quicker, trying to stave away her intrusive thoughts with light exercise. Soon, however, she gets lost in her thoughts, thinking of all the things she could be doing, all the insults and how she messed up in the past.

Minutes later, she is surprised to find herself standing in the centre of the courtyard, not remembering exactly how she managed to get here. Her hands are clenched into fists and it takes everything she has to not lose control.

Suddenly, she remembers what Anna did to help her. Distract and use the pent up energy to create instead of destroy.

Filled with inspiration, she started to design a helmet like the ones the armour stands wore in the corridors of the castle. Elsa’s hands start to shake and the helmet is turning into a knife and  _ oh gosh _ .

She spreads out her hands and her in-progress creation dissipates into thin air. Her heart rate increases and blood starts to pound in her head. But instead of giving in, she takes a slow, shaking breath in, and exhales in the same fashion.  _ I  _ **_can_ ** _ do this, _ she forcibly tells herself. Elsa takes another breath, pointedly ignoring the magic leaking from her hand.  _ Start simple, like Anna does _ .

She’s pointedly ignoring the negative thoughts as she holds her hands out again, closing her eyes and gritting her teeth. The magical woman opens one cerulean blue eye to see an ice ball slowly form in her hand with no sharp spikes. It’s perfect. Finally feeling like she’s getting somewhere, Elsa excitedly puts the ball down and creates something a little more complicated. A box and a lid. It requires less concentration albeit the fact it is more intricate than the ball; she’s getting into it. It appears with nice, smooth edges - Elsa isn’t taking any chances yet.

This continues: Elsa creating something that can fit in her hand, each time a little more complicated, more intricate, taking a little more of her concentration. A few times she tries to design something that too closely resembles a knife or a weapon of sorts, and it slips a little, but after about two dozen creations, she no longer loses her grip.

Soon she’s surrounded by her little creations: a wine glass, that box, a plate, a tree, a piano - all miniature of course. Her urge to harm is no longer so strong, but it’s still there, clawing at the back of her mind, so she knows she still needs to keep busy.

Now that making small ice things are barely a second thought to her, she needs more than that to stay occupied. Elsa needs bigger and better. Stepping forward, the ice princess bites her lip and aims her palms at the ground in front of her. She imagines Olaf, one of her first creations, with his twig arms, carrot nose, and his pear-shaped head. Bit by bit, a life-sized ice sculpture of Olaf is made. It would normally not require a second thought to make something like this, but as she is fighting an incredibly strong habit, she smiles to herself at the victory. Elsa makes an exact replica of a bench in the castle garden with an addition of delicate carvings in the side. She sits down and is elated to find it doesn’t fall. 

Just like before, she gets lost in creativity and creates anything that comes to mind, finding it easier and easier to bury her dark thoughts that no longer defined her each time. 

The blonde-haired woman finishes with a tree that is about the same size as her and runs her hand through her hair. She’s sweating and working hard, but she’s happy. Genuinely happy. Around her is a small forest of stunning ice creations ranging from the first original ball to her ice palace scaled down to snowgie-sized. 

A sad smile creeps over the princess’ face when she remembers why she’s in this position in the first place. But determined to keep her parent’s memory as a happy one to her, she makes her biggest statue yet of her parents, life-sized and grinning. It’s an exact copy of their family portrait, just without the kids. Elsa then makes one of her and her sister when they were little, sliding down a hill of snow. 

A flash of Elsa hurting her younger sister dances in her memory, but she shakes her head and creates a statue of her and Anna now, hugging and grinning. Her past would always haunt her but she would never let it win. Not again.

Elsa chuckles at an idea that pops into her mind and makes it: a life-sized snow globe complete with a little house, Olaf, and snow. It’s at this moment she realizes what time it is. It’s dawn, which means she had been creating things for hours and there was no longer an urge to harm herself. There would always be the thought among other dark ones, but she now was equipped to deal with it, and it would only get easier from here, she is sure of it. Overcome with exhaustion, Elsa makes her way over to her bench and sits, drawing her knees up to her chest and looking around at all the breathtaking creations she made.

The princess smiles. Her powers are beautiful, and she’ll be damned if she ever lets anyone else tell her otherwise.

[Anna POV]

Anna rolls over in her bed and groans at the prospect of getting out of her warm and comfy bed. Alas, she manages to get up after the dawn’s light sears her eyes. The queen curses the sun for waking her up so early as she stumbles to the window, not believing her eyes.

“Holy-“ she mutters, looking down at the courtyard covered in ice sculptures. Elsa’s ice sculptures. Anna’s eyes glance all over the array of beautiful creations, lingering on one of her and her sister as children, one of them as adults, and one of their parents. She begins to piece the story together when spots Elsa’s blonde hair in the midst of it all, hugging her knees, her back turned to Anna. The fiery-headed girl suspects her sister had a rough night of sorts and woke up in the middle of it with an urge to harm, but made the choice to follow what Anna always told her to do. Judging by the sculptures of her parents, Elsa probably had a dream with them in it, and maybe it included them as young children, going by the other statue. A smile appears on her face which was a strange mixture of sad and proud, but it feels right. Anna walks away from her window and out of her room to greet her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. :)


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